October 30th 2009
I was scheduled for a 1PM surgery.
While I was hopeful that we would have a great outcome - an incredible surgery, smooth as cream pie; on some level I had to prepare for the alternative. What if….
Both Finn and Sloan were at home with the baby-whisper Bret (Caroline’s Husband) and Colleen (Paul’s mom) Both doing an incredible job taking care of our kids and forever grateful to. Paul and I prepared for the alternative.
He told me that he was not going to be able to write anything down, it would be too tough. So he made it even harder. We used a video camera to document my message to the kids.
It was 11AM and we decided to begin taping what could have been my last message to my children. It was extremely difficulty because in that one instant the red light came on, it was like it was real. I have a brain tumor, it could be cancer, and I could die. Something could actually go wrong and these last few moments could mean everything.
Paul started by asking me to say something to Finn then to Sloan. I cried while I spoke, got through a minute of taping, then asked him to turn it off and we just sat holding each other, while we both fell apart.
We called the kids after we had a good cry and Paul taped that. To this day we have not watched the video tape. I can’t remember what I said on the tape and honestly don’t know if I have or will ever have the courage to watch it…
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